life is pointless

by retrodiction

Because it’s a circle. Ha. Ha. Ha. I’m so hilarious.
No seriously though,

“Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is important that you do it.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Well, i’ve been an erratic little girl. I swear my moods swing faster than a pendulum bob. But it’s all good now— only because i’ve been extremely happy these couple of days. Weirdly optimistic too. (which i largely attribute to all the current fanfics i’m madly fangirl-ing over. Literally.) Like i want to giggle and flop all over the place. Like a seal.

So i’ve been gone for quite awhile. 11 days to be exact (not like anyone’s counting). Basically because i’ve been mugging. Plus exams and all the usuals. Life of a student. Meh, what’s new. I don’t think i’ve fared pretty well for all my papers. Utterly disappointing. But then again, i didn’t put in enough effort. So there’s that.
Moving along.
Pressing thought: Is it just me, or does everyone just seem so sad nowadays? Me included, oddly enough. Not now of course. Now i’m a giggling seal.

But just in general, there so much unhappiness and loneliness and what have you all around. And the saddest thing is that nobody ever wants to talk about it. Which is also madly infuriating. Please don’t assume that i’m saying this with any judgement, because i’m on your side. The madly infuriating people’s side. (who also happens to be madly infuriated). Because i understand, i do, i know what it feels like to want to talk about everything and not reveal anything at the same time. Toughest dilemma ever, trust me.

No judgements please, but i’ve got to ask. Does anyone ever feel like you can’t decide what kind of person you want to be. Like
a) The wild, boisterous person who is just high off of life.
b) The emo nemo who everyone just worries about.
c) The angsty little kid. I mean really angsty, like F***theworld you motherf***ing piece of s***head c**t b***h, angsty. You know the words. Don’t act like you dont.
You get my point. And i’ve made a self-realisation in light of this transient optimism. Hold your horses. It’s not some life-changing-bigbang-earth-shattering realisation, but it’s significant to me nonetheless. It’s not worth it. Whatever i’ve tried to be, and ridiculously failed at, was tiring. And the thing about hiding/harping on the negative feelings is that it takes such a toil on who you really are. So no, it’s not worth it being upset and tied down by the past/almost-past-present. There’s definitely no easy way out. Nothing worth having ever comes easy. But nothing will ever require more effort than the first step.
“To find yourself, you must first lose yourself”
And i have. And i can’t say i’m not still confused about who i’m really supposed to be, but right now, right this moment, i’m happy. Contented with myself. And that’s good enough.
“All I know is that today has been better than yesterday. And I want tomorrow to be better than today. That’s it. That’s all I know. And frankly, it’s enough for me.” -SHAFD
Now for the cold hard truth. No other person, even if you go through the same life experiences, can ever fully comprehend why and the way you feel the things you do. Because life is not a fairytale. And the stories we read, reality doesn’t ever play out the way they do in storybooks. Nobody’s going to save you. Nobody can save you. But the thing is, you don’t need to be saved. Maybe you’ll need a little push here and a nudge there, but at the end of the day, you’re strong enough to be your own prince charming.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, and happiness when shared, is doubled.

This post has officially been raped by quotes. But only because somebody’s already said it, and if i can’t say it better, why not quote.

P.S there is a ton of subliminal messaging in this post. For someone i sincerely hope would see. And know that we’ll always be here.

P.P.S what does P.S stand for?