Pure Imagination

by retrodiction

When your dreams start to come true there’s only two kinds of feelings you can possibly feel. Either you rejoice that it really is all you wanted and more, or you realise that it really isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Right now i’m hovering somewhere in between. Not too sure if this dream is as amazing as i think it is, or if i actually don’t really want it anymore.

No no, I’m not saying Cambridge is bad or anything, i’m just not sure it matches up to the importance i’ve placed on it. I have wrapped my head, so stubbornly, around the idea of escaping the mundane and thoroughly un-fufilling life that is Singapore that I hadn’t even realised the real reason why i wanted it so bad. Well… maybe i had, but didn’t really admit it. (And not admitting it makes it nonexistent?)

I think maybe, my dream has always been more of an escape than anything.

You’re an escapist.
Really? Is that really how i deal with things?
You run when things get hard, you ignore things you don’t like and everything else, you sweep under the rug.
Feelings aren’t something i’ve been taught to share.
I’m starting to think feelings are something you don’t have.
Anger is a feeling. Probably annoyance too. That’s pretty much all that people make me feel these days.

Unfortunately, today i realised that wherever i go things won’t be much different. There isn’t much distance you can put between you and your shadows.

On a happier note, i’ve met some really amaaaazing people here. Like this group of 3 Indian girls in my English Literature class. Hilarious and crazy and all that.